Amber lifted two menus as a young couple stepped into the restaurant. The man wore a handsome gray suit. Perhaps he was part of the business convention at the adjoining hotel. The woman also dressed in business-casual, except her hair was in a hasty bun and dripped onto her maroon suit jacket. Amber had seen her share of straight-out-of-the-shower customers as a hostess. But they were usually clad in casual jeans and a rumpled shirt. Never in business get-up.
Amber smiled. “Is it a party of two?”
The woman scowled and looked at her companion. The man ignored her and smiled at Amber. “Yes. Party of two. Thank you.”
With her smile pasted, Amber instructed them to follow her. She led them to a table at the center of the restaurant. The woman jerked the chair out of from the table and slumped into it. Amber smiled at her and lowered the two menus to the table. But the woman only glared at the man.
As Amber left them, she glanced over her shoulder. Sure enough, as the woman reached for a menu, the man lifted both menus and said something. The woman’s scowl deepened.
Amber chuckled and returned to her post. She had a few minutes to straighten the jar of breath mints before the door opened again. Her smile faded. “What are you doing here?”
“Have dinner with me.”
Amber crossed her arms. “What would your girlfriend say?”
“She’s not my girlfriend. It was a mistake.” Pink flooded Chris’s face. He lowered his gaze and fingered a breath mint. The plastic wrapper crinkled. “Your shift ends in five minutes. I thought we could have dinner at Carmen’s.”
“It’s Carmine’s and…”
Amber chomped down on her next words as her replacement appeared in a cloud of hairspray and perfume. Amber said through clenched teeth, “Fine. I’ll meet you there in an hour.”
She spun in place and started for the lockers in the kitchen. She passed the formerly-stewing couple on her way. The woman ladled chicken and rice soup and added to the conversation. She seemed a smidgen warmer toward her companion.
Chris wouldn’t be so lucky.
*** *** ***
After a shower and a change of clothes, Amber wove through the tables at Carmine’s Italian Restaurant. She spotted Chris at a corner table. He folded the edge of a napkin, but the cotton material wouldn’t allow it to remain. The triangle unfolded itself.
Amber slid into a seat.
Chris lifted his gaze. His eyes widened as he took in the strapless summer dress. Her bare chest. The color on her lips and her cheeks. He settled on her face. “You look pretty.”
She lifted the menu and pretended to read its contents. “It’s muggy out.”
Chris nodded. His menu remained closed on the edge of the table.
She exhaled. Who was she fooling? She had no intention of eating. Or staying. And Chris wasn’t looking at the entrée options either. She slammed the menu closed. “You wanted to talk?”
“Come back home.”
“No.”
“Amber, I’m begging you.”
“One year?” She lowered her voice and leaned forward. “We’ve been married only a year and you forgot our vows?”
“You don’t have to shove it in my face.”
“The ‘forsake all others’ part wasn’t conditional. Not even if you were suddenly bored of me.” Amber’s eyes moistened and she swallowed hard. “Or if you hadn’t finished shopping yet.”
“That’s not what happened. I made a mistake. Can’t you forgive me?”
“You want forgiveness? Then I need answers.”
“Hey, I confessed first before you found out.”
The waitress bounded to the table, pad in hand.
Chris frowned. “Two of the house red wines, please.” After she flittered away, he started again, “You didn’t randomly find out. I told you about the affair. I know it doesn’t make it right, but shouldn’t my honesty mean something? That I value us? Amber, I’m asking you to forgive me.”
“I can’t.”
Chris slumped in his seat and smoothed the creases in the napkin. He attempted another triangle. “I told you I would quit my job and I did. And I started going to church. Last Sunday, the sermon was on divorce. It hit me hard.” He chewed his bottom lip.
She watched her husband wrestle with regret. With whatever God had told him on Sunday. But his revelation had come too late. “Was it Matthew 19? The Pharisees test Jesus?”
Chris looked at her. “It was Matthew, but nothing about a test. It’s in the passage with the beatitudes. Matthew 5, I think.”
Amber shrugged.
“According to the pastor, Jesus doesn’t accept divorce… except in the case of sexual immorality. That means you have every right to a divorce. Even Jesus approves.” His eyes slanted. His voice hitched. “If you can’t forgive me, I understand.”
“I don’t want a divorce.”
“But you won’t come home either. What else is there?”
She clenched the fabric of her skirt between her fingers. She wanted to jump into his arms. To believe that he loved her more than any other woman in the world. But her heart hesitated. Her broken heart. She ached for love, but not at the cost of betrayal. Even though he had been up-front about it, he had been weak. He hadn’t kept Amber as the most significant person to him. Not in the past. And maybe not in the future.
“Hey, Amber?” Chris cocked his head to the side. “Do you hear that?”
She listened. It only took a second before the familiar tune registered.
Chris ambled out of his chair and came around the table. He extended his hand. The song of their first dance as husband and wife spiraled in the air. Enveloped her. Tugged her upward and into the arms of her husband. She wrapped her arms around him and he encircled her waist. Together they swayed.
Always, is ours to share
You are mine, today and t’morrow
And I will love you, hold you,
Keep you, foreva’ more
The hope of that day seized Amber’s heart. But the pain crept in behind it. Even as the wound pulsed and bled, she couldn’t push off Chris’s chest. She felt his heart beat with love and loyalty. For now. His arms were strong and secure around her. Except for when they weren’t.
Tears streamed down her cheeks. She couldn’t forgive… Then why couldn’t she let go?
His arms tightened. A reflex to her trembling shoulders. His voice rumbled against her hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” She stepped back and looked into his face. “Honestly, I’m hurt. And scared. I don’t know if I can…” Fresh tears fell on her cheeks. “But I can’t…”
Chris moved his chair to face her and sat. He lifted her hands and looked into her eyes. “I wouldn’t trust me either. Maybe ‘forgiveness’ isn’t the right word. Maybe I’m asking you for mercy. I made a mistake, a mistake I’ll regret for the rest of my life. But, Amber, the thing is I still love you. You’re everything to me. I made a mistake, but I don’t want to lose you. Can we start there?”
“I’m sorry. I can’t…”
“What if I check in more often, like books say to? And what if…” He swallowed hard. “We go to church together? Join a small group?”
“And pray together?”
“Yeah, pray together.” The corner of Chris’s lips tugged upward. “Like we prayed over every cent on our honeymoon.”
“Well, that was a bit much…”
Chris’ eyes danced. “Remember the dessert I accidentally dropped on your dress?”
“The chocolate cannoli?” She laughed. “I remember. It looked so delicious too. I was more upset about not tasting it than about the stain.”
He nodded to the table and the two closed menus. “They have them here.”
“You’re suggesting we spoil our dinner?”
“No, I say we skip it all together. And re-do our honeymoon. We’re not celebrating our first year’s anniversary. We’re celebrating a new marriage.” He smoothed her cheek with his fingertips. “I know this isn’t what you imagined at the altar. Last year, we were tripping over each other in love. This year, your heart is smashed to pieces and I’m full of regret.”
A single tear trickled down her cheek. His thumb caught it and wiped it away.
“I’m reading the Bible, so we’re both surprised. Makes you wonder what next year will be like, huh?”
The waitress reappeared with the glasses of wine. “Are you ready or do you need more time?”
Chris lifted his eyebrows, his gaze directed at Amber.
“I’m ready.” She settled on his lap and wrapped an arm around his neck. “One chocolate cannoli. Two spoons. Extra napkins.”
When the waitress left, Chris studied his wife. “Extra napkins? Because I have a history of making a mess?”
She kissed him. Her lips lingered close to his. “There’s no mess if we clean it up.”
“Does that mean you’ll come home tonight?”
“What? Oh, I thought we were talking about a dropped cannoli.”
He chuckled. “My mistake.” He kissed her until a single cannoli was served to a party of two. With two spoons and extra napkins.
“Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'” ~Luke 19:34a
Dear Reader,
This is a painful love story. Relationships take work. Forgiveness after betrayal takes even more work–and a whole lot of grace.
If you have experienced this or any kind of betrayal, there is good news! Forgiveness and healing are flowing from the cross where Jesus Christ bled and dead, the perfect sacrifice to atone for my sins and yours!
Even though there is forgiveness, will the pain ever go away? I don’t know. But I am certain that God will use that heartache to bring the riches of God’s love and grace to someone else through you.
Your sister in Christ,
-Cheryl
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