God’s Faithfulness Reaches to the Skies!

“For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.” Ps 108:4

Ever had one of those years…

where you fully devoted yourself to God and came up empty? Like you were on the wrong path. That God was saying, “No. Not acceptable.” You know for certain you planted zucchini seeds, but grew carrots instead.

That was my 2019, thus far.

January began in tears. Literally.

We visited Aunt Joan in the hospital during the four months after her diagnosis of pancreatic cancer. At the end of December, I promised we’d visit again. She passed away a day later—while I was at work and not able to answer my mother-in-law’s call. And not able to share in the grief until hours later.

To this day I wonder why I was scheduled to work that day. I thought God was sovereign, after all.

In February, a writing friend was in a terrible skiing accident. It was the same day my pastor encouraged us to be “joyful in the Lord.” Raincheck, please. Don’t mind me while I weep.

Thankfully, my friend had a miraculous recovering and is okay now, but I had some serious conversations with God during those awful weeks.  

Didn’t see that coming.

In March, my best friends in church announced they were moving to the suburbs and transferring to a different church.

Never before would I have imagined such pain caused from inside the church. From a fellow prayer companion. And without a heads-up. A clear cut without looking back. It stuns me still.

I am one of those that doesn’t like change or movement. I am a member of UBF and fully committed, but I needed a pep talk. I needed to hear the gospel of Jesus and all that He has already done in my place. I started attending Park Community Church—only on Sundays. Interestingly, I was so refreshed, I would hear God’s call clearly tell me to serve UBF!

Which didn’t make any sense to me. Isn’t going to a different church on Sunday a bad thing? And yet… God approves? God is talking to me during my rebellion?

Where was God before? While I read and studied God’s word earnestly? And the timing of tragedies was absolutely bizarre?

Weeping at the empty tomb.

When Easter preparation approached, it was the perfect distraction. I made a program for the kids in my group, ages two to five. God gave me a chance to hear the main Easter message on Mark 15. Verse 34 reads, “And at the three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?’ (which means ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’)”

I thanked God! Jesus had been abandoned, so I will never be abandoned by God. That meant so much to me!  

And then, like everything else in 2019, this wonderful thing crumbled in emotional disaster.

By Saturday night, I was done for. My hair was a mess, I was exhausted—and also close to tears. I hadn’t sent one little boy to join the song in the main sanctuary and I felt awful that the parent was upset. It was at that time I was told everyone was being corralled for the group photo. And I love photos!

But not like this. Not now.

Again, I found myself asking, “Really, God? Really?! Are You sovereign or aren’t You? What kind of love is this, that you punish me when I’m trying to serve you?!”

I left in tears. The depression got so bad that I wanted to abandon everything—even my four-year-old son I had with me—and go home. And I was at an Easter Bible Conference, serving God!

I Gave Up.

I gave up serving God the way I thought was expected of me. Clearly, God didn’t want me to serve Him in that way anyhow.

And I decided to start listening to God. Which was interesting because in Community Bible Study we were studying Revelation. What I heard over and over was that God is faithful.

God has the end in mind, where Jesus would reign as King of kings and Lord of lords.

Jesus is called Faithful and True. He alone is forever and unchangingly faithful and all trust-worthy. (Rev 19:11)

In Revelation, John continually reminds us, “This calls for patient endurance and faithfulness on the part of God’s people” (Rev 13:10b and 14:12). The trials the people of the Lord will endure, simply by holding on the word of the testimony and of the blood of the Lamb. Such power in faith.

God is faithful.

And I don’t have to understand in order to believe and trust.

This is the weirdest part of all:

The sharing day for the leader of Community Bible Study landed on my birthday day. I was sung to twice, hugged many times and Adam showed up as a huge surprise with strawberry shortcake, the most romantic gesture in our thirteen years of marriage.

I saw that God, who is Sovereign, does have a plan.

Then, June 22, the Gruett family packed up the truck and left Chicago.

I was numb. I didn’t care. I wanted it to be over.

At the end of July, I was asked to give a message at the Summer Conference. I gave the message half-heartedly, without much heart or effort.

Why would I?

That day God helped me to remember how He had wonderously called me as a freshman student at Harper College.

He called me as a mother of prayer, a Bible teacher, and a suitable helper to Adam Kramarczyk. And the calling stirs in me still.

I received 1 John 4:10 all over again, God’s love, where He first loved me. I could see how far I’d come and how God had been faithful.

God had been faithful.

God called me as a writer. And Adam was called by God as a messenger. I saw purpose in our marriage in God. Not for happiness, but for God’s glory. To encourage each other to use our gifts for God.

Interestingly, Adam and I gave our duo-messages exactly one month and one day after the Gruetts left Chicago.

And that hurt. The final cutting off of everything that had been slowly sawed away throughout 2019.

In the past few months, Rachel Held Evans passed away suddenly, Joshua Harris abandoned his faith and philosophies, and a pastor who spoke out about mental illness committed suicide.

Illinois schools are mandated to teach the history of LGBTQ+ to students.

If my world hadn’t already fallen away, I wouldn’t know how to react. But I’ve already decided to trust God.

Because God is faithful.

Meanwhile…

Of all the happenings in 2019, I was certain novel-writing would take a back burner. It’s a hobby, after all. Instead, my novel-writing took off in awesome ways. Whereas I started the year struggling to write and couldn’t edit my manuscript, I have now completed a 60,000 word novel and am a quarter of the way finished revising it. The theme of this newest Christian novel is, “God is sovereign.” That’s not really a surprise, come to think of it.

Even though I still work overnight once a week, my mind is clear and I’m focusing on the ministry of homeschooling and emphasizing the gospel of Jesus Christ. I’m also teaching the older homeschool kids in Community Bible Study, which only layers this purpose.

And yet…

All our trials narrow to God’s ultimate plan: salvation through faith in Jesus Christ. Through this lens, I can see how ripples in the pond are adverse, but not contrary to God’s work. He has not abandoned us. God has not broken His promises.

Psalm 108:4 reads, “For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.”

God is living.

Which means when I read the Bible, I’m listening to God. And I’m more earnest in talking to Him honestly.

And God is leading me. I can only see one step at time… but I’m definitely in a different place than when 2019 began. And I’ve been interacting with God this entire time, our relationship is more intimate.

Through all of this God is healing me. Bringing me into a clearer, more solid faith in God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. And getting ready to tell others this truth I’m learning.

God is so faithful.

How has God been guiding you? What truth is He pressing on your heart? I’d love to encourage you in your journey as a fellow sojourner!

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