Every year my church helps its members choose individual Bible verses to start the new year with a clear spiritual direction. This year 2019 I choose Matthew 6:9. It reads, “This, then, is how you should pray: ‘Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.’” My focus of this verse is the word “Father.” Sometime last year I came to realize I don’t trust God and I don’t know His love. So I decided to focus this year on getting to know God as my Abba Father.
Perhaps you’ve heard how we associate our Father God as we associate with our earthly fathers. If our earthly father was kind, we see God that way. If our earthly father was abusive, we would also see Father God in the same light. This isn’t necessarily my problem. I have a good relationship with my dad. We’re pretty similar in our personalities. My mistrust of God has been shaped by my life in general. Wherever my wounds originated, I realized this year I need serious healing and to come to God deeply and truly. And for the first time in my life I am glorifying God in the midst of pain, heartache and prayers where the answer is “No, but as for you, you are to follow Me.”
It’s as if I’m an adopted daughter and after several frustrated years of seeing other siblings patted on the head while I’m stuck in time-out, I enter my Father’s office and ask, “Why are You so cruel to me?” And He smiles and says, “Finally, you ask!” And I start having conversations with Him. And although I’m still put in time-out a lot and don’t get ice cream after dinner, I start to feel tenderness in my Father’s touch and see warmth in His eyes.
I see Joseph who was sent to Egypt, not by of his own sin, but to save many lives. I see the Philadelphia church suffer so much on earth but become a grand pillar of God’s temple for all eternity.
This year, I’ve even told God I would stop writing if only He would heal me, heal me of not being able to accept God’s love, heal me of whatever keeps me from trusting God fully, but as I pray God tells me I have a story to tell. It is true that the best stories are written from a place of deep anguish of soul, where the stakes are high and a burning desire drive us.
It is in the unfairness of life that I taste true joy. I am healed of my sins against God through the perfect sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I have confidence in my identity and my home in heaven. It’s amazing grace of God. And the more I hunger for righteousness and learn about God, the more my eyes are opened to the necessity of the gospel. I indeed have a story to tell.
So, as I listen to my mentor at my church, a wife of an elder, tell me about God’s faithfulness to her, about success in her job, God’s answers to prayer, financial security and early retirement, I sit in my time-out chair where I work overnight to pay for our utilities and feel God’s awesome presence. Adam would tell me that when we are faithful with a few things, God will entrust us with many things, and I’ve always wondered, “How long?” But this waiting and stress and heartache is a blessing because I am coming to learn about God. I am blessed because I know that I am God’s and He is mine. In the end of it all, we ultimately pray for God, the Father of Jesus Christ our Lord and Messiah, to be glorified. Magnified. Worshiped. Adored. Exalted. In heaven, with loud voices, we will declare God’s kingdom has come to earth and God will reign for ever and ever. (Rev 11:15) Amen.
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